Where to begin?
I have no idea why I came into work today... okay, I do. It's because we had a quote due and I was in charge of finishing the quote books and making CDs for the sales guy.
Anyway, I have cried on at least 7 separate occasions today, 5 of which were at work... and to be honest, I'm crying as I write this blog. Even though I know that my tears are 1.) Unprofessional and 2.) Pointless. They sure don't change the situation I'm in. In fact, if anything, they make everything worse because now everyone can see my swollen eyes and tear stained cheeks, and of course, the work gossip mill is in full swing.
I'll be honest and say this break-up has been a long time coming. In fact, the fight that took place last night while my boyfriend and I were in bed has happen several times before. Why is it different this time? Because this time, I admit defeat.
In the relationship, I was the one clinging on. He has tried several times to shake me loose, and like a child clinging to its mother's leg, I clung to him. In the event that our relationship did end, I would be left with nothing and he with everything. He would keep the cat, the dog, the house. His life would change in no way, and mine in almost every way. Because we have the same employer, I would feel compelled to change jobs. Even though it's not necessary, I find that easier than the humiliation of hundreds of people knowing I have a failed engagement under my belt. Not only that, I don't want to have to explain on 20 different occasions, the excruciating details while trying to fight back tears.
There are so many details that I have not yet explained, but I'll get to them all, I promise.
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